Will your relationship last? 10 signs (with accurate quiz)
1. You are both comfortable with who you are.
The key to every relationship starts with who you are as a person. If you are if you know who you are and you are comfortable with who you are then you can be a very stable person. But if you are unhappy with yourself, if you’re constantly trying to change who you are and what you do, then your life will not be very stable. And stability is the key to any long-term relationship.
There might be some very good reasons why you want to change elements of your life for the better. But as you go through these changes, they tend to have a negative impact on your current relationships. And the longer and the deeper this stress continues, the less likely a relationship is going to last. And so, if one or both of you are uncomfortable with who you are, then you’re constantly putting your relationship under stress as you try to change and improve your situation.
2. You accept each other and don’t try to change each other.
Supposing you accept yourself but you don’t really accept your partner, this is also a great cause of relationship stress. If you are trying to change the other person to be more in line with your goals and desires, the person you’re trying to change it’s going to be under great stress. And under this stress, many people would prefer to leave the relationship rather than change in order to win someone else’s approval.
So, not only do you need to accept yourself you need to accept your partner- both the good and the bad, both the strengths and the weaknesses. That doesn’t mean of course that nobody should ever change anything. The point is that as you put pressure on people to change, they will feel more and more stress and they will have a natural desire to get out of that stressful relationship with you.
3. This is the longest lasting relationship you have both been in.
Since this topic is about how long your relationship will last, it’s helpful to compare this relationship with your past relationships. If you have been in in a relationship before, you’re naturally going to compare and contrast the past with the present relationship. Comparisons with past failures will naturally create stress in a relationship and even destructive behaviors to protect oneself, such a lying, manipulating or cheating. So, if you tend to have a number of short-term relationships then this latest relationship is likely to be short too.
Conversely, if this relationship is lasting longer than your past relationships then clearly something is different about the relationship itself. Something is making it more stable and long-lasting. Sometimes, relationships last longer because we have matured. Sometimes this is due to a better personality match. Regardless of the reason, the longer you’ve been in your current relationship, the more likely it will continue.
4. You are both satisfied with the amount of time you spend together.
Many relationships come into conflict because one person wants more intimacy or more quality time with the other person. If they both want the same amount of intimacy in the same amount of quality time, then there’s no conflict. But, often there is an imbalance as one partner wants to be closer than the other. This is going to create stress on both people and the stress can increase until the relationship breaks down.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter who wants more, this imbalance of desire creates stress and stress is what ends relationships. So naturally, if you can learn to accept the relationship as it is, without either asking for more or less, then you can improve the chances that this relationship will last.
5. You both know when to apologize and when to forgive.
Every relationship has conflicts. The question is how do you deal with these conflicts. A lasting relationship is going to have partners who know when they need to apologize and likewise they will know when it’s time to forgive. A relationship should not strive to suppress all conflict because that just forces the conflict underground where the stress remains hidden and unresolved.
The most long-lasting relationships recognize that there is conflict and attempt to resolve it. But after the conflict, they will apologize and they will move on to forgiveness which releases the tension and maintain their Harmony, rather than trying to ignore the conflict or trying to win at all costs.
6. You both maintain harmony by letting the past stay buried.
One of the great dangers to a relationship is your own past. Many people have a habit of bringing up their partners faults and failures, even after they have been dealt with in the past. By bringing up the past into the present, the couple will relive all of the original stress plus the new stress of whatever the current problems are.
This defeats the purpose of apologizing and forgiving in order to release relationship stress. It is very important to let the past stay buried and not bring it up again and again if you want to have a long-lasting relationship. Those who are fixed on the past are condemned to repeat it.
7. You both tend to see problems the same way.
Not only do couples have problems with each other, but they also face problems from the world, including job problems, money problems, family problems, etcetera. One of the great causes of relationship stress is when the two partners see the problems differently or even worse they see different problems. If they think bad results are due to different problems, each one will push to solve a different problem. And since there are limited time money and resources for problem-solving, they will have increased conflict over which problem to solve.
Likewise, they may agree about the problem but they may have different methods of solving the problem. One person might prefer to spend more to solve the problem, the other may prefer to save more and work harder. One person might want to avoid the problem and hope it goes away naturally, the other person might want to focus completely on that to the exclusion of normal life.
8. You are better as a team than as individuals.
Many couples do not recognize the importance of teamwork: each member must find a role in the relationship that they can excel at whether solving problems or maximizing opportunities in life. If instead of working together, they find that they are competing with each other the relationship will not last long.
Perhaps they choose such divergent paths, that the relationship naturally fails. We often see this in couples that have strong careers and neither one is willing to let their career suffer so that their relationships can flourish. Sometimes the external goals of money, fame or prestige can end an otherwise strong relationship.
9. You enjoy spending time with each other’s families and friends.
There is a tendency in especially in America to think that a couple can go through life alone without the importance of family and friends. But that is an illusion. Not only do you need the sustaining power of family and friends, but you also need to bring your partner into these circles to have a long-lasting relationship.
If your family and friends don’t like your partner, that’s going to be a continual source of stress. Likewise, if your partner doesn’t like your family or your friends, that’s going to create conflict. It’s much better when your partner can accept and enjoy spending time with your family and friends. And vice versa, you also need to enjoy spending time with your partner’s family and friends. These intersecting circles of concern will strengthen each other.
10. Both of your family and friends support your relationship.
There are many cases where family and friends do not support your relationship regardless of your intent to get along with them. Perhaps they don’t think your partner is good enough for you or perhaps they think that your partner will take you in the wrong direction in life. Regardless of why, the fact that your family, friends, and partner are not in harmony means that you are naturally going to have conflict and stress, especially during the holidays.