Is it OK to date someone if I have no desire to get married?
There is a lot of misunderstanding about the importance and benefits of dating as it relates to marriage. This leads some to ask:
Is it OK to date someone if I have no desire to get married?
The answer is that yes, its good to date, even though you don’t want to marry, as long as your date understands your position. In this post, we cover:
- Why people date
- Why people don’t date
- Why people marry
- Why people don’t marry
- Why it’s OK to date when you don’t want to marry
- Why it’s not OK to date when you don’t want to marry
- Balance and Wisdom in all things
Why people date
Before going in-depth into this question let’s first examine why people date.
1. To Have Fun
One of the most obvious reasons that people date is that dating is fun or at least it can be fun. It can be exciting to get to know someone deeper, to go through some interesting activities such as going to the movies, the theater, a ball game, a nice restaurant. These are all fun ways to date.
2. To Socialize
A second reason people date is to socialize. In fact, it’s often the case that when people don’t have enough socialization they become depressed. So by dating, you can meet a lot of your socialization needs.
3. To Discover Yourself
The third reason to date is to discover more about yourself. By putting yourself in a dating situation, you will discover more deeply what you like and what you don’t like; not only about the other person but about also about yourself.
4. To Find Companionship
The fourth reason to date is to find a companion. Dating is a great opportunity to find somebody who shares your likes and your interests as well as your dislikes and your hates.
5. To Get Married
And of course, the traditional reason for dating is to get married. In the old old days, there was no dating; it was mostly just arranged marriages. But in recent memory, dating is the easiest and best way to find a potential marriage partner.
Why people don’t date
Now let’s discuss some of the reasons why people don’t date.
1. Don’t Like People
Firstly, many people don’t date because they just don’t like people. They’re too angry, too selfish, or too proud. These are the people who definitely should not date. Because not only will they not enjoy the date, their dating partner will also regret it.
2. Social Fear
Secondly, many people don’t date because of social fear. Maybe they lack the social skill and the knowledge of how to be a successful dater. Perhaps, and this is very common, perhaps they fear rejection and if they don’t ask, then they won’t feel the pain of rejection.
3. Don’t Like Self
Thirdly, some people have no confidence in themselves or perhaps more clearly they don’t really like themselves. And because they don’t like themselves, they assume that other people also don’t like them. This creates a fear of intimacy and not dating is the safest way to keep people from knowing them well.
4. No Time or Money
This is a very common experience for both the rich and the poor. Some people are just too busy or they have no money for dating. Dating requires lots of time and money that many people lack.
5. Past Dating Pain
Some people dated in the past but now they’ve stopped dating. This is likely because their past relationships have been very painful and so they wish to avoid More Pain by going back to dating again.
Why people marry
When considering why people should date even though they don’t want to marry, let’s also consider why people marry in the first place.
1. Provide Stability/Security
Marriage provides stability and security. When you get married you don’t have to continually seek new people for companionship, you don’t have to seek multiple people to please you, and you only need to please one person. Also, a marriage is much more long-lasting then almost any other relationship you can have.
2. Have Children
The second reason for marriage is to have children. Along with providing stability, marriage supplies an excellent opportunity to provide for children in a stable environment. Of course, you don’t have to be married to have children, but statistics have shown that the best way to provide for your children is through a stable marriage.
Marriage provides companionship. If the marriage is successful, you will never have to find another companion as long as you both live. You will always have somebody who will be concerned about you and help take care of you.
4. Social Pressure
Finally, many people get married due to social pressure. This used to be very common in the old days when people would push their family members constantly to get married, have children, and provide for a family. The social pressure is less these days but it’s still prevalent.
Why people don’t marry
Now let’s examine the reasons why people don’t want to marry.
1. Prefer Freedom over Security
The first reason is that they prefer Freedom over security. They don’t want to be tied down to any long-term decisions or commitments.
2. Prefer to Spend Resources on Self/Mission
A second reason people don’t want to marry is that they prefer to spend their resources, their time, their money, and their mental concerns on themselves, or perhaps they are very devoted to a mission in life. Either way, they feel it’s best to remain single as they pursue their concerns.
3. Don’t Need a Companion
Another reason people don’t marry is that they don’t feel a strong need for a companion. Some people are quite content to live a single life, while others they are content to have a series of Companions and not be tied down to anyone companion for any length of time.
4. Immune to Social Pressure
The final reason why people don’t marry is that they are immune to social pressure. They literally don’t care what anybody else thinks; they’re just going to do what they think is right. And nobody is going to influence their decision.
Why it’s OK to date when you don’t want to marry
Finally, we’re ready to detail why it’s okay to date when you don’t want to marry.
1. You need excitement.
Since dating is fun dating, exciting, and interesting when you do it correctly, you can have your needs met by dating without marriage.
2. You need to socialize.
Even though you don’t want to marry, if you just stay home and watch TV or play with your cat, you could end up a very lonely and depressed person. But by going out and dating other people you can enjoy your life much more.
3. You need to stop focusing on yourself/mission
Dating is a chance for you to get out of your own head. Sometimes people become so obsessed by their own thoughts their own goals their own objectives, they turn completely inward. But by dating people, you have a chance to consider the other person’s concerns, at least temporarily.
Why it’s not OK to date when you don’t want to marry
On the other hand, there are reasons why you shouldn’t go dating if you don’t want to marry.
1. You are wasting your time.
You’re just wasting your time. If you primarily think that marriage is the goal of dating, then for you dating is a waste of time. You could be spending your time pursuing other things that you enjoy without worrying about dating at all.
2. You are wasting your date’s time
Since many people are dating to find a marriage partner when they discover you are absolutely not interested in marriage, they may feel that they’re their time is being wasted with you. At the very least you should be clear as soon as politely possible that you are not interested in marriage.
3. You may mislead and hurt the ones you date
And the most important reason not to date if you don’t want to marry is that you don’t want to someone to become emotionally attached to you, such that they really want to marry you. Since you never had that desire, you will break their heart.
Balance and wisdom in all things
My final advice to people who are wondering if it’s okay to date without wanting to get married is to have balance in your life. Seek the wisdom to know when is a good time to go out with somebody and when is it not a good time to go out with somebody. There’s no one rule that can fit everybody all the time.
Moreover, you may be very convinced that you will never marry, but who knows, a year from now you may feel completely differently. Perhaps if you meet the right person, you may change your mind very quickly. And conversely you might think you’re ready for marriage and yet after dating for a while, you may discover you’re not really ready after all.
If you think you know everything about yourself and the world, then dating is a waste of time for you. But if you’re open to new experiences and new people and even changing your opinion on life, then I would say yes dating is an excellent opportunity for you to discover more about yourself and the world.