Is it OK for girl to ask a guy out?

Yes, it is fine for a girl to ask a guy out.

1. It helps the girl build strong character.

2. Girls will understand guys better.

3. Guys like to be asked out.

4. Here are some ways to do it.

I’ve been very fortunate in life in that a number of women have come up to me and asked me out on dates. In fact, the woman I married asked me out on our date first. She invited me to a nice restaurant and she gave me some gifts and I was very honored and flattered. By the end of our first date, I was very interested in her and I was considering her as a potential marriage partner. I guess you could say I make decisions quickly. So I am fully on board with girls asking guys out.

Builds character

Asking a guy out is a wonderful way for a girl to build confidence. By that, I mean it takes a lot of confidence to ask a guy out. You have to go against society’s expectations and you have to take a risk of being rejected. You might start out very afraid, fearful, and hesitant, but you can learn to overcome these feelings of inadequacy and learn to develop confidence.

This process and ability will pass into other areas of your life. If you’re willing to ask a guy out you probably also willing to ask for a raise at work. You will be more assertive in situations that men typically excel at, such as negotiation, and conflict resolution. Confident guys are attracted to girls with confidence and losers are intimidated. That’s the way you want it, right?

The word proactive means “act first”. The proactive person accepts responsibility for her circumstances and takes action to get better result. This is one of the most important tools for solving problems. First, you identify a need, then you gather up the resources you need, and then you take action.

By asking a guy out on a date, you are identifying a need (ie. you need a date) and then you identify which guys appeal to you and of those which are going to be likely to agree to a date with you. Finally, you summon your courage and ask him out, then comes the dreaded waiting to find out if he says yes or no. Whatever happens, success or failure, you own it. This proactive acceptance of taking responsibility for your life is something guys respect, because guys have to do this every day.

There is a stereotype that women are overly subtle and not very transparent especially around men. Most men complain that they can’t understand the way women communicate. By asking a guy out, you have to throw all of that stereotype out the window. Now, you have to show your desire, you have to show some ambition, you have to show men that you want something from them, and you have to tell them what you want.

Essentially you are trading deniability for responsibility. You can no longer hide behind the various subtle ways to seduce and manipulate a man. Again this kind of honesty is especially important when working in the business world when working in the fields that are populated by men. Ultimately, you will find that most men will trust you more because you can communicate the way they do.


The kind of guys who will ask you out are generally pretty similar they confident, proactive, willing to be aggressive and chase after a woman. And many of those are just faking it. But there’s a lot of guys who don’t fit that category who have great qualities in a partner. If you are tired of dating the same kind of guys, then ask someone who is different out.

Perhaps you would like to meet some quiet guys, but they are to shy to ask you out. Roughly 25% of the world are introverts. They usually get the short end of the dating stick. You may need to go an approach and the nice guy, the quiet guy, and the unassuming guy more directly. Best of all, you won’t be seen as someone’s latest conquest, but a rare treasure.

Gives appreciation for guys

Understand how guys better
By assuming the traditional male role of pursuing a date with the opposite sex you will begin to understand and appreciate how guys think and act. You will begin to understand why guys sometimes boast about themselves in order to impress a girl. You may understand why guys draw attention to themselves and how they try to protect their egos. You will realize why guys can get angry or frustrated or fearful of rejection when you have to do what they do and face the consequences that they have to face on a regular basis.

You will discover is not easy being a guy in the dating scene.

Learn to be kinder to guys
Hopefully, when you discover how difficult it is to be the aggressive person in a dating scenario, you’ll be able to appreciate when guys don’t approach you perfectly and you’ll be able to treat them in a kinder and more Gentle Way. You will discover that while it is painful to be gently rejected and turned down, it can be horribly scarring to be belittled and mocked by somebody you’re attracted to. Finally, you will learn restraint because you have no way to get revenge on them without breaking the law.

Face adversity from other women
One of the surprising things that you will discover, is that a lot of women are against your trying to seek dates with men. It’s not the men who will be against you, but it is your fellow women, the sisterhood. You will discover what it’s like to see the sisterhood targeting you and calling you out for your boorish and uncivilized behavior.

Why do these women act this way? Well some of them they want you to try to change the nature of the dating game. Perhaps they’re quite successful at getting men to pursue them and they don’t want to go through the effort of trying to learn how to ask guys out. Or perhaps they just fear change; they may be very comfortable with the current traditions of society. And finally, some women may feel that they just don’t have what it takes to be aggressive and to be successful in a dating environment the way men have to.

Oh yes, they may be worried that you’ll take all the good men first before the men get around to finding them.

Experience the cost of dating for guys
If you really ask a guy out on a date, then you should be prepared to pay for the meal or for the movie tickets or for whatever the experience is going to cost. You will soon discover that for a man, dating it can be a costly activity. That’s good for you to understand, so that even if, in the future, you decide to let men pursue you, you will have a better appreciation for the true cost of dating from the man’s perspective.

And you might finally understand why after a man who arranges the date, pays for the evening and drives a woman home, he feels a little entitled to make out and get some kind of payback for all of his efforts. Now, I am not defending this, I am only saying that you will better understand why this happens.

Guys like to be asked out

Guys are flattered
While some men may be a little bit uncomfortable being asked out it’s always a very flattering experience. I have never looked down on a woman who asked me out, even when I declined. The truth is guys like to be asked out because it shows that they are attractive. It shows that they are appealing; who wouldn’t want that? feels

Guys are relieved
A lot of guys, especially the more quiet types, are really relieved that they don’t have the pressure of asking someone out. When a girl asks the guy out; he knows that she’s interested in him. That relieves 90% of the pressure on him. The only thing better would be to have the power to read minds, so that you a guy would only ask out girls would say yes and exactly what to say to them.

Now that the guy knows you’re interested in him, he can decide if he wants to pursue a relationship with you. If he likes you, he will then have confidence to pursue you in a more traditional sense.

Guys can decide quickly
Guys usually can decide if they’re interested in a girl very quickly; in just a couple of minutes a guy can look at a girl and know if he want to learn more about her. This is the swipe left or swipe right mentality seen on Tinder. So when you ask a guy out and he says yes there’s definitely a strong possibility of more dates unless you have any deal Breakers. And if a guy says no, don’t waste any more time with him, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.

But don’t make a guy feel unmasculine
While there are many advantages of taking the lead in finding a date, there’s one danger. Asking some guy out may make them feel a little bit less masculine. Though I think that you can reduce that problem by acting like a lady. So, if you want to be careful, I recommend that when you ask a guy out, only give him the most general suggestions over what to do for the date.

If a guy is willing to say yes to you, let him have the opportunity to set the time, and the place, and the activity, if possible. Give him a chance to ask for a second date first, if things are going well. It’s often best for everyone if the woman just lights the fire by asking for the first date and then lets the man ease into taking more proactivity in the relationship. Most women find that when they lead the relationship, they lose respect for their man.

How a girl can ask a guy out

Flirt First
Now that you have learned that it’s okay to ask a guy out, let’s consider some good ways you can do that. The traditional way and yet still very proactive way is that after you identify the guy you’re interested in, you to approach him and then while chatting with him, you begin flirting. This shows him that you are interested without directly asking him out. You know that if this guy is interested in you, he should be flirting back with you, and if he has confidence, then he will ask you out directly.

The go-between
Another way to ask a guy out indirectly is if you have a third person, a friend, who will go to this guy and tell him that you’re interested in him and that you would accept a date if he’d ask. This happened to me a lot in graduate school. One of my friends comes up to privately and tells me a certain girl would like to go a date with me. So a call them up a make a date. Everyone was happy.

This is a very low-pressure way for both people, if you can find a good friend who will be a go-between for you. This, once again, flatters the guy and it makes him feel somewhat secure. If he’s interested in you, he can ask you out without being rejected. And if he’s not interested in you, he can politely decline and you will avoid the pain of a direct refusal.

However, sometimes things get complicated. Once at school, a female classmate invited me and another girl to her house for the Christmas weekend. I had no where else to go, so I went with them. It was pretty cozy in upper New York State with the snow on the ground and no central heating. One night, my classmate and I got pretty cozy on the sofa, sharing a blanket and watching TV after the other girl went to bed. Weeks later, my classmate told me that the other girl had a crush on me and that my classmate was trying to set me and the other girl up. I definitely misread the situation.

The open invitation
This the third method, I called it the open invitation where you let a guy know about an activity that you are interested, such as a movie and that you would like someone to escort you. This is a clear signal that most guys will understand and gives the guy an opportunity to respond by asking you out.

A second way of using the open invitation is to announce you are having a party or a picnic, or some kind of a group activity and you want to invite him. This is really a half-step because he may not recognize that you are interested in him. Then, at the activity you can flirt with him and he’ll pick up pretty quickly you’re a true interest.

The direct ask

The most difficult way to ask out a guy is just directly asking the guy. One of guys’ frustrations is that women communication is often very indirect and very subtle and is very difficult for guys to interpret correctly. Younger guys are especially clueless.

You can remove all of those communication difficulties by openly telling a guy what you want. But that’s going to take a lot of confidence because you’re going to be very vulnerable and exposed. You’re going to have to deal with whatever comes next. Once, I was in the National Library in Taipei Taiwan and a young woman came up to me and asked to go with her to a movie. I was delighted, but I had to turn her down because I was already married and just passing time until my wife got off work. If I had been single, who knows…

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2 Responses

  1. Bibian says:

    Do you really think this can work out most especially over here. “asking out” by a guy has become our custom here. Lol.
    but honestly, I’m in Love with this articles, it needs socially attention. it needs facebook publication. and i can’t wait to educate some people out there. yea.
    it builds trust.
    thanks Peter for this!

    • admin says:

      Guys who are confident about themselves love to be asked out! Guys who are insecure- they may have a problem with it.

      My secret advice for girls who don’t want to directly ask guys out:

      Guys who are insecure would love to know in advance that when they ask a girl out, they won’t be turned down. A smart girl will let a guy know that she will accept before he asks. So, make him feel secure first, then he will have confidence to ask you out.

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