Dating for Introverts: 16 do’s and don’t’s

Improve your dating skills

  1. Practice your communication skills

Introverts are weak at sharing their thoughts and feelings with others. So the most important do for an introvert is learn and practice your communication skills so that you can share with the person you’re dating. For an extrovert, this kind of communication comes naturally, but for an introvert, communication is usually something that’s difficult to develop. But it will pay off in the long run if you work on this before you go on dates.

2. Improve your body language

Introverts are also weak at interpreting the body language of other people they have a hard time recognizing what people’s bodies are revealing about their thoughts. And the same way most introverts are weak at expressing positive Body Language. By that, I mean looking at somebody in the face and talking to them, as well as having an open and relaxed body posture. These are all very important things you can learn to improve and they will vastly increase your dating success.

3. Communicate more by writing

Writing is one of the most effective ways you can improve your dating skills. The truth is that when you’re on a date you’re not really at your best. Instead, you’re at your best when you are alone and you have time to gather your thoughts and express them down in writing, you are at your best. So between dates, you can write more than just a Twitter message; you can write a significant and personal message in longer form writing to express your affection for someone. They will likely appreciate your thoughtful communication and this will help you stand out from the people who are more shallow.

4. Don’t be too sensitive/focused on self

Introverted people are extremely sensitive to what’s going on inside themselves but not very sensitive on what’s going on with others. If you want to be successful at dating, you have to learn to reverse this process and become sensitive and focused on the other person, such as what they really communicating between the words and with their body language. If you can learn to let go of your personal hang-ups and be more concerned about the other person’s hang-ups, you will be a much more successful dater.

Choose optimal activities

5. Location, location, location

As an introvert, it’s to choose dating activities and places that don’t overwhelm you or push you beyond your emotional limits. Often, a good place is to date is some kind of outdoor activity where there are not a lot of people, such as hiking or going for walks. Also, a good place to go is a quiet restaurant or a small coffee shop. It’s best to pick a place where there are not too many other people or other noises and activities around, so it doesn’t deplete your emotional reserves.

6. Avoid over-stimulation

Along with the above-mentioned location advice, wherever you go, make sure that the environment doesn’t demand too much from you. You want to place that allows you to feel relaxed and not over-pressured. Definitely, it’s a good place to find where you are already comfortable. Going to new places for socializing is a challenge for introverts, so dating at places which you are already know well is often the better choice. If you must go to a place that is often popular and busy, you can pick off-times where it’s less active. Thus your date can still say that you’ve gone to the new and exciting places, but you’ve also reduced the pressure on yourself.

7. Manage your energy

Introverts have to face the fact that they have a smaller reserve of emotional and mental energy for dealing with people and stimulating events. So you need to make sure that you are at your best on your date and you don’t begin your date, already tired and frazzled from dealing with other people. That means the way you get to the date and the activities you had before the date are key to enjoying your date. You need to make sure that they are not too taxing, nor too stimulating. Then when you’re on your date, you can focus your emotions and attention on having a fun and date. If you fail to do this, you may likely have a lot of trouble and your date may feel that they have done something wrong when in fact the problem is the stress that has built up before the date even started.

8. Home dates

The best place to have a date for an introvert is at home. You can watch TV, you can veiw home movies, you can prepare dinner, and so on. There’s all kinds of fun activities that you can have at home in a very safe, comfortable, inviting environment. You won’t have the distractions of the hustle and bustle of transportation and strangers interacting with you. Just be careful that you don’t signal more dating intimacy then you intend because when you invite someone into your home, they’re expecting to get to know you in a much deeper way either emotionally or physically.

Dating an introvert as an extrovert

9. Accept silence

As an extrovert dating an introvert, you have to learn to accept silence. When an introvert is silent, it doesn’t mean there’s a problem; it often means that they are collecting their thoughts and managing their emotions; introverts are generally quite content in this state. If you try to talk to them when they want silence, they will often get irritated and they won’t appreciate even your most sincere helpful efforts to get them out of their shell.

10. Give them time to be alone

As with silence, you have to allow introverts time to be away from you. You can’t be too clingy, you can’t be holding on to them too tightly, instead, you have to give them more alone-time and space than you personally want. You might assume that since being together makes you feel great and you want to do it all the time, and an introvert would feel the same, but an introvert often feels that too much time together is stressful and they will get angry easily and irritated if they feel overstimulated emotionally. They need their solitude to get back their emotional balance.

11. Keep dates simple

You need to keep a date with an introvert simple, do not have too many changes, for example, don’t go to multiple location activities like bar hopping; that’s a really tough activity for introverts. Also, try not to have dates that have a lot of people; don’t invite introverts to large, noisy parties; they can only stand it for a few minutes before they want to leave.

12. Don’t pry – be patient

Introverts can be slow to reveal things about themselves and you might lose your patience with him as you want to know them better. Don’t pry or ask question after question about their communications. You need to resist this because introverts highly value their privacy and they will share deeply personal things only after they feel safe and trust you.

Dating an extrovert as an introvert

13. Don’t be an iceberg

When you’re an introvert who’s dating an extrovert, you need to be careful not to become like an iceberg where only 10% is visible and the other 90% is hidden. Extroverts like things out of the open; they want to see and know everything that’s going on and they want to talk about whatever thoughts that just comes into their heads. You have to allow them to talk about things that don’t seem truly important because extroverts often have to talk out their thoughts rather than filter them the way an introvert does.

14. Share your thoughts and feelings

Along with not being an iceberg, you need to be open and more and more transparent yourself. You need to push yourself to trust more and be more vulnerable, so that you share not just your best thoughts but your momentary thoughts and ideas. They might be imperfect, but that is OK with extroverts. Don’t wait to create the perfect phrase or paragraph, just push yourself to be more and more transparent and the extrovert you are dating will reward you for this.

15. Become a good listener

Extroverts talk a lot, in fact, they talk a lot more than introverts really want to hear. But if you want to be successful in dating and have successful relationships, you have to train yourself to be a good listener. One of the best ways to be a good listener is to repeat back other people’s comments so that they can expand on their ideas. Another way is to ask questions. But most importantly use proper body language, such keeping eye contact with them and keep your body oriented toward them to show that you’re actively paying attention. Don’t play with your cell phone, don’t drift off into other ideas. Just listen to them and respond at the right points and asking how they feel. This will show that that you really value them.

16. Don’t brood

At times, introvert’s quietness and seeming emotional depth can be an asset. However, there are other times when it becomes a very negative thing. This is when you have certain negative emotions going through you and you don’t share them with your date. If you keep all your thoughts locked up inside you will frustrate your date who wants to understand what you are going through. An extrovert wants you to deal with such things the way they do by talking it out with people they trust. When you won’t share your troubles, it makes an extrovert feels very frustrated and very unhappy with you. So learn to share your troubles and your extrovert date you will readily seek ways to help you overcome those feelings.

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