About Peter

Urbane Dating Mission

This site was created to help men and women form healthy relationships that can meet their immediate social needs and lead to long-term partnerships.

Urbane Dating Values

The Golden Rule – Treat others the way you want them to treat you.
On this site, you won’t learn how to seduce, trick or manipulate people. Nor will you be encouraged to take actions that you will later regret. That is not the kind of message I want to give you. I’m going to give you the advice that I would give my own daughter or a young man dating my own daughter. If you are not interested in following the golden rules of dating, well there probably other sites that will satisfy your desires.

Urbane Relationships: Behaving as ladies and gentlemen together.
The word Urbane means civilized. All my life, I’ve been drawn to the concept of honor and being honorable is very important. For example, there’s no way that I would ever want to steal somebody else’s girlfriend. I’d rather be lonely my whole life instead of stealing somebody else. So this website is going to encourage you to be as a man, a gentleman or as a woman, a lady. Some of these teachings have gone out of style in recent days but you really can’t go wrong if you act with a certain amount of class. That’s the way you will attract people of class to yourself.

Wisdom – Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.
I like to give people the pros and cons of any given situation. This allows you to decide for yourself what you think is the best thing to do. I could tell you what to do, I can quote chapter and verse, but you’re going to go and do what you think you should do anyways. So instead, let’s examine the issues. Let’s see how we can help you get a good result and, as they say, have your best life now.

Kaizen – Always in invest in improving yourself and your relationships
I’m a big fan of continuous self-improvement. I know in my own life that I have improved from being a major introvert to being a person with very good social skills. Even though social interaction is not natural for me I’ve learned to do it well. I want to help people become better, more powerful, and more desirable people. And I’d also like to help you improve the relationships you already have.

Test the Fruit – Successful relationships should grow the fruits of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in both people. If you’re not happy with your current relationships, I’d like to help you examine what the problems are and what you can do about them.

Peter Barban’s Story

A Shy Guy
I have always been an introvert. That means I’m not a person who likes to speak up and draw attention to myself. I had no social skills or confidence. I didn’t do any dating in high school because I was afraid the girls would say no and I was also afraid they would say yes. There were a lot of girls that I liked and I was attracted to but I was way too shy talk to them.

Even during my high school graduation party, a pretty girl from the drama club asked me the day of the party if I was coming and I became so nervous that my stomach became upset and I was unable to actually go to the party that night because I felt sick.

Psych Major
When I went to the University of Illinois, I began to do some friendly dating with some of my classmates and that was very enjoyable. I found that because we were friends, I didn’t have any big pressure interacting with them. But during my whole time there I didn’t do any romantic dating. I did, however, become a Christian and became an honors student in psychology where I studied happiness and personality research. My mentor, Ed Diener, now has a psych building named after him for his contributions to happiness research.

Seminary Life
In my late twenties, I decided to become a missionary to Taiwan, so I went to pursue a Masters Degree at Alliance Theological Seminary in New York. It was at that time I continue dating friends and I also fell in love at first sight. Some people doubt that exist but I guarantee you I fell in love with a young woman the instant I saw her. Unfortunately, she put me in the friend zone forever. During this time, I worked on my social skills and learned to become comfortable interacting with women. Maybe I overcompensated because shortly before graduation, one of my married classmates apologized for being secretly in love with me. I had no idea of my effect on her, but I learned to be more careful about how I treat women. After three years, I graduated with the hope of moving to Taiwan and helping out the church.

Youth Pastor
Consequently, for three years, I was a youth pastor at a Taiwanese Church in New Jersey. That’s when I begin to give advice, counsel, mentoring to College and Career people, and even high school students who are going through personal issues. I was their first Youth Pastor and when I left, they surprised me with a going away gift- an airplane ticket to Taiwan.

Taiwan Teacher
Finally, I moved to Taiwan and then began teaching English and helping out the local church in Taipei. Again, I dated some local women but I hadn’t really identified anyone who I wanted to spend life with. I was lucky in that many women asked me out and even strangers on the bus would ask me to meet their daughters. But during my second year in Taiwan, I did meet my future wife, a wonderful Taiwanese woman named Sandy. After we dated each other for a year, we got married in Taiwan and honeymooned in America.

Married Life
My wife and I are both headstrong people, stubborn and set in our ways. Our first few years of marriage turned out to be difficult. But we managed to stay together, work out our difficulties and grow a lot through that process. We have a daughter and over the years, we’ve given our daughter a lot of advice on dating and relationships and now she has recently graduated from the University and she is a professional fine artist and still single. Hint. Hint.

Pastor and Mentor
During my time in Taiwan, I’ve been an unofficial Pastor to a small group of people. I often give them advice and help not just an English but in the Bible and in relationships. My wife and I have counseled people who have been beaten by their husband and even one who had to fend off a coworker who tried to rape her. I give dating, marriage, divorce advice as needed. I also give mentor people in high school and some older people, too.