5 Basic Dating Tips for your first date and beyond

To enjoy your first date and subsequent ones, follow these 5 basis dating tips: make a plan, look good, be polite, have fun, and be confident.

1. Make a plan

Know your purpose for this date
Why do you want to go on this date? Are you going on the date because you just want to meet your physical and social needs? Maybe you’re going on this date because you’re looking to find the right person to marry? It’s essential that you understand the purpose of your meeting someone for a date in order for you to plan out the best way to proceed.

Guess your partner’s purpose of the date
Now you may be very clear on your purpose but that doesn’t mean the person you date has the same purpose as you. The person who goes on the date with you may be here for meeting social needs, they may just want a meal or movie or they could be looking for someone to marry. Don’t assume that you both have the same goals on a date.

Have a backup plan/be spontaneous
I think it’s very important for people to have a second plan in case something happens to the first plan. Perhaps you’re going to meet at a restaurant but something happens and now there’s a scheduling conflict what do you do to reschedule the date? Or maybe you’re planning to go see a movie together and halfway through the movie one or both of you decide you hate it so much you want to walk out.

These change the plans don’t have to ruin your date. Instead, if you have a backup plan, then you can suggest a second activity. I know some people are not happy planners, you’re more comfortable being spontaneous. Well, that can work too, if you can quickly check on your phone and find out what other opportunities are available. Your backup date could be much more fun than your original date. For example instead of going to a movie that both of you hate you could end up at a jazz concert in the park that just happened to be available and surprisingly you’re both like jazz.

2. Look good

People who are successful daters know the importance of bathing regularly and the importance of wearing clean fresh clothes. But some people are a little slow to pick that up. In fact, back in high school, I didn’t have a lot of friends and when my parents asked me why, I told him I don’t know. So, my parents told me to take a notebook and a pencil and then ask my classmates why they didn’t like me. So I did and I discovered one reason people didn’t like me was that I smelled bad, I didn’t take a bath very often and so I just smelled bad. Another person told me that my pants were too short we call them high waters and it was very uncool. A third person said that I had bad breath and my teeth looked dirty. I went back to my parents and we worked on solving these problems. I started taking a shower every day, I brushed my teeth once or twice every day, and my mother bought me some new clothes.

I bring this up to mention that I was younger I was completely clueless as to how the people were judging me. So I completely understand if you’re having trouble dating and you have not understood these important hygiene ideas. Basically, you need to take a bath or a shower every day, you need to wear clean clothes every day, you need to brush your teeth once or twice a day, you need to wash your hair regularly, and you need to make sure your clothes fit your body. You also probably need to use deodorant, and you may need to use mouthwash. If you are not sure about these things, ask the people around you. Most of them will be honest with you if you ask directly.

Your hair is a very important part of your public persona. You don’t need to have really exciting hair, you just need to have clean hair that’s the right length to attract the kind of person you’re interested in. Some women look great with long hair while some women look great in short hair. You need to find out what style of hair Best Suits You. And for men, not only do you need to have the right length of hair, you need to consider whether you need a mustache or beard. If you’re going to wear a beard, you need to make the effort to keep it looking nice.

Generally, when you’re going on a date, you should wear very nice clothes. You don’t need to wear a suit and a tie, you don’t need to wear a ballroom dress, but you need to dress up and show your date that you appreciate them.

Your clothes should make you look attractive and they should minimize your weak points. In general, you want people to notice you as a person more than they notice your clothes. By the way that’s the same thing with makeup and perfume. Ladies, if your makeup is so strong, so over-the-top that it is the first thing people notice, then you have a problem. The appropriate level of perfume and makeup will make you look good without drawing attention to the perfume or the makeup.

Women first notice: body and eyes
Gentlemen, this is advice for you. A woman first notices a man’s body and his eyes. So if you normally wear glasses, you might want to consider getting contacts. I remember when I first switched from very thick glasses to contact lenses, I got a lot of compliments from women on how big my eyes were. If you look carefully in a mirror you will see the glasses tend to make your eyes look smaller than they really are. Glasses also create distancing effect between you and the person you’re looking at. So I recommend if it’s possible, to switch out of glasses and into contact lens then your dating approach will attract more women.

Men first notice: body and smile
Now for you ladies, men notice your body first and foremost. This lets men decide if they want a second date very quickly whereas women are willing to take longer to decide if they want a relationship. If you are wondering why doesn’t he call you, well, the simple answer is he’s already decided he’s not into you.

The second thing a man notices is a woman’s smile. So, ladies should work on using their smile to attract men. Men are looking for a woman to respond to them, and your smile is the response they notice first.

3. Be Polite

Polite actions
Make eye contact with someone when you talk to your date. I used to have a lot of trouble with this back in high school. I was so self-conscious and so shy, that I wouldn’t look at people when I talked with them. My father trained me to look at people’s faces when I talk to them. He told me that even if I was afraid to look them in the eyes, I could look them in the mouth and watch their mouth move. He showed me that most people can’t if you’re looking at their eyes or their mouth. I find this technique to be very effective at making others comfortable without making me feel uncomfortable.

Another way to be polite is to look for opportunities to serve, not just your date, but anybody in the environment where your date could watch you help somebody. Helping others almost always impresses your date because this shows you to be a polite, kind, helpful person. For example, you just help an older person get up or sit down at a table. I feel that this is such an effective strategy it’s almost cheating.

Polite conversation
A very important part of dating is to have a polite conversation, especially if it’s your first or second date. If you are not naturally good at conversations, I recommend that you prepare some stories or anecdotes just as if you would do it at your speaking in front of a group. That way you can always fall back on your prepared story if there’s an awkward pause in your conversation. The best stories are those that are funny at your own expense. Boasting is not polite, also be careful that you don’t talk too much about yourself.

Additionally, you need to be careful that you don’t seem to be prying too deeply into the other person’s private life when asking about them. You want to show your interest without making it seem like this is an interview or an interrogation.

Avoid deal breakers
If you do any of the following things, you’re very likely to be on your last date with this person. The first is don’t bring up some controversy, don’t talk about politics or religion. For one, you might end up with somebody who strongly disagrees with you. And that is just going to make your day feel very down.

Also, watch your language when you’re on a date. Try to not to have a foul mouth even if that’s the way you normally are with your friends. On a date, you should be on your best behavior and you should be able to express yourself without resorting to cursing.

One final point is to try to avoid going into intensely personal things. Although it’s possible you may end up in a very deep and meaningful conversation, often if you push for this level of intimacy too fast, you will make the other person want to get away from you.

4. Have fun

Is everyone having fun?

Win-Win activities
Choose activities that both of you like. While it is possible to find out what someone else likes and then just do that to please them, for example, they love to go to museums and so even though you don’t care about museums, you go with them to their favorite museum. Eventually, they’re going to recognize that you’re not really having fun and that will hurt their own fun, unless you’re going out with a narcissist, in which case you’re going to have your own problems with that. So find an activity you both can enjoy.

Conversation: hobbies and interests
Well, what can you talk about, if you can’t confront controversial issues? The easiest conversation is talking about both of your hobbies and interests. One of the biggest turn-offs of a date is to find out that your partner isn’t interested in anything there quite a boring person. The only date that I consider a failure and was when asking the girl questions about herself and she really had nothing personal to say. She seemed only concerned about getting good grades in school.

If you don’t have any interests or hobbies that’s going to make dating difficult. Maybe you should pursue some other activity besides dating and build up your life. After you do that when you come back into the dating game and you’ll be a lot more successful. Also show some interest in your date’s hobbies. One of the best ways to get a second date is to admit you don’t know much about their hobby but maybe they could show you the basics next time.

I had a roommate who loved Golf and he knew that when he got a girlfriend she had to love golf too because he was playing it all the time. He even made his own clubs and tried out for the Professional Golf Tour. So when he found a girl he really liked, he introduced her to golf and she began golfing as well. Previously she didn’t really care about golf but because she was very interested in him, she took it up and found she also liked golf.

Familiar activity:
Here are some of the best activities you can do on for your first date. All of these give you an opportunity to do something interesting and they can allow you to get to know each other better. This provides a good foundation for future dates.

Here are the to dating places/activities that are very popular for first dates: Restaurant, Bar, Cafe, Movie, Dance, Romantic Walk, Bike Ride, Beach, Concert/Music Festival, Sporting Event, Amusement Park. Suggest one of these items that you have experience with, so that you will feel comfortable and so can focus on making your date comfortable, too.

5. Be Confident

What are the best ways of being confident is to be Charming perhaps even to flirt with someone? Now charm is a very special ability to delight others. Some people seem to be born with charm and others can learn to develop it. In the old days, they were actually charm schools that taught people how to be more appealing. Thus, delighting others is something that you can learn to develop and once you do, you’ll be having more enjoyable dates.

Make your partner feel special
Perhaps more important than being charming is to make the other person feel that they are charming. Would you rather go out with the most Charming person in the world or go out with the person who made you feel that you are the most Charming person in the world? The point is you want to help the other person feel special without being so strong in your praise that it becomes unbelievable or even creepy.

The solution is don’t praise people for what they know they’re good at. Instead, praise your date for things that they aspire to, things that most people feel go unnoticed. If you go to dinner with a beautiful woman, she knows she’s beautiful because everybody tells her so. Thus, when you tell her she looks beautiful, it means nothing, it might even be irritating. You’re just like all the rest of the men that she chose not to date.

A lot of beautiful woman want to be considered smart or funny or competent in something. When you praise her for this hidden side, her eyes will light up.

Likewise, if you’re going out on a date with a man, praise his competence and ask his advice. Nothing makes a man feel more charming than “mansplaining” to an interested woman.

Be willing to say no

Don’t always be a nice guy- always giving but not receiving. You can be the most polite and charming person in the world and yet the other person is just taking advantage of you. There’s a lot of people like that, they will take everything you have and ask for more, but they don’t give anything back. If you discover you are in this negative kind of date or is a negative relationship you need to get out of it.

Now maybe you don’t have to immediately quit a date right in the middle of it. Out of politeness, you can continue the date until it’s normal conclusion. But definitely, you are not at all expected to extend the date or to have a second or third date. If you recognize that this person is absolutely a deal-breaker for you, then you can politely find ways to say, “No thank you”.

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2 Responses

  1. Daniella says:

    Hi there,

    Great article, I loved the reading!

    I am already married, so I don’t need to date anymore:) If I am here, reading your article is because my daughter starts dating and I think she needs some useful tips. I am not in a good position to guide in her dating adventures. You know what teenagers are, they hardly follow our suggestions:) They think we don’t know anything. Anyway, I will show her this article, hoping she will use some of your tips, so she can get all the odds on her side!
    If someone takes advantage of my daughter, how can I make her realize it? It will be difficult if she falls in love with the guy. Don’t you think so?

    Thank you for this excellent post!

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