17 Dating Tips for Nice Guys

Dating Tip # 1: Show that you are not weak

Dating Tip #2: Show that you are practical

Dating Tip #3: Show that you have passion

Dating Tip #4: Show that you are honestly imperfect

Dating Tip #5: Patiently and persistently improve yourself

Dating Tip #6: Learn to say no

Dating Tip #7: Enforce your boundaries

Dating Tip #8: Assert yourself

Dating Tip #9: Find out what women really want

Dating Tip #10: Women want to feel safe

Dating Tip #11: Women want a provider

Dating Tip #12: Women want a leader

Dating Tip #13: Successful Women want either a boy toy or an alpha

Dating Tip #14: Accept Responsibility

Dating Tip #15: Sacrifice

Dating Tip #16: Group Victory

Dating Tip #17: Just Rewards

1. Limitations of being a Nice Guy

Dating Tip # 1: Show that you are not weak
No, I’m not sure if I can actually prove that nice guys are weak but there is definitely a stereotype, a common conception that nice guys are weak. Nice guys avoid conflict and because they avoid conflict they are never able to show that they are strong, and they’re able to withstand the Heat of competition and conflict. It’s only through overcoming obstacles and struggles that we are able to show our strength.

So when Nice Guys avoid these situations people assume it’s because they’re they know that they would fail, therefor they must be weak. And to certain extent, I think that’s what nice guys think about themselves, that they are weak and they are not able to challenge others for what they want.

Dating Tip #2: Show that you are practical
Another conception is that nice guys don’t really understand the reality that the world is harsh and cruel. Nice guys seem to believe that if they are nice to the world, the world will be nice back to them. That would be a form of Instant Karma where you instantly receive what you deserve.

But almost everybody in the world knows through constant observation that we don’t get what we deserve in the short-term nor often In the long-term. Life, isn’t about getting what you deserve. We know that the victory goes to those who seize the day. So the nice guys who persist in being a nice guy in the face of all the evidence must be impractical dreamers.

Dating Tip #3: Show that you have passion
There is also a concern that nice guys they just don’t care very deeply about anything. They don’t seem to have anything that they want to fight for and if they don’t have anything they fight for they may not have anything really worth sacrificing for at all.

If you are going to go into a battle with a company of soldiers do you really want to go into a shooting match when your side is all nice guys? Wouldn’t you rather have a lot of really nasty guys who will do anything to win?

Dating Tip #4: Show that you are honestly imperfect
There’s also a strong perception that nobody is nice all the time and really no one is decent on the inside. You must be pretending to be better than you are, better than everyone else. So a nice guy must really be dishonest, he’s putting on a pleasant act for a selfish interior. A nice guy could be perceived as an opportunist; he’s just waiting for you to trust him and when you least expect it he’s going to stab you in the back and take everything you have.

2. Succeeding as a nice guy

Dating Tip #5: Patiently and persistently improve yourself
Since I, myself, have been a nice guy for decades, I understand it’s very difficult to change out of being a nice guy; we are very resistant to change. We really want the world to change for us; we want the world to respect our niceness and treat us nicely; we want to be rewarded for a niceness.

Unfortunately that doesn’t work very well, but you can succeed as a nice guy if you’re very patient and you don’t expect the same rewards that more aggressive people get. One of the most important elements of life is constant improvement combined with persistence and patience. If you continue to work on improving your life as a nice guy and being patient, you can achieve a lot of success.

Dating Tip #6: Learn to say no
You can still be a nice guy while telling people no. This is one of the most important lessons for nice guys. You need to learn when it’s not a good deal for you and when to walk away. People will think you may be a little bit less nice, but they will certainly believe that you are a lot smarter, and respect you more. People will stop taking as much advantage of you if they know you have a limit and you willing to walk away.

Dating Tip #7: Enforce your boundaries
In line with what we just said, you need to enforce your boundaries. You need to know what you were willing to do and what you are not willing to do to please other people. Like your mother always told you if somebody told you to jump off a cliff would you do it?

Don’t be so nice that you willing to sacrifice your future for a pat on the back. Make sure that other people respect you enough to not push you beyond what you’re willing to do. And if they do keep pushing you, you need to push back.

Dating Tip #8: Assert yourself
You can still be a nice guy and learn to assert yourself. There are times when you need to stand up and say this is what you need for your success. This is very difficult and challenging for nice guys; I fully understand that. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people around you that will take advantage of your niceness. They will continue to do so until your assert yourself. This may cause conflict, but that is the only way to stop some people.

Just as it works, sometimes you need to stand up and ask for a raise, likewise, there are times when you need to tell a woman that she needs to take care of your needs. And if she won’t, then you need the strength to leave this dysfunctional relationship.


3. Lessons from PUA (pick up artists)

Dating Tip #9: Find out what women really want

Have you ever noticed that the media keep telling guys to be nice and that’s what woman want? And then, you see all these jerks have girlfriends while the nice guys don’t. Maybe women can’t or won’t say what kind of guy really attracts them.

Every once in a while, I like to go to the Internet and look up what the pickup artists say about what works in dating and what women really want. The pickup community throws out a lot of feminist theory and instead focuses on what works when trying to attract women. In order to pick up girls, you have to understand their basic nature and what they want. Perhaps the PUA are right and the media is wrong.

Dating Tip #10: Women want to feel safe
One of the most important things that women want is Safety/Security. There are all kinds of psychological and sociological reasons for this. In fact, if you just watch how women vote you will discover that Safety and Security are very important for women voters. Consider how you as a nice guy are going to attract women seeking Safety and Security.

You can give them shelter, you can take rescue them from all kinds of difficulty, but women will always be concerned about how you respond when challenge or crises bigger than yourself comes around. Will you really protect the woman from this kind of danger?

I think the number one reason why women don’t get excited by nice guys, but they do get excited by “bad boys” and the dangerous guys is because they secretly believe the dangerous men have the power to protect them that the nice guy doesn’t. You need to show a woman that can and will protect her.

Dating Tip #11: Women want a provider
Women want to be able to take care of their physical needs like food clothing and shelter just like men do. However, men are expected to do this through achievement and women are expected to do this through relationships. (A woman who can provide for herself by her own achievement, will never date nice guys, see Dating Tip #13)

The problem for a nice guy is that he is not a person who achieves a lot in life because he’s not very aggressive. So a woman sees a nice guy as maybe the second best choice. A nice guy will provide some of what she wants and needs, but she will always be tempted by the more macho guy who she thinks will aggressively pursue what she needs. Nice guys, this is why you get dumped even after all you have done for a woman.

Dating Tip #12: Women want a leader
There is a phrase called hypergamy and that is where women always want to marry above their own status. Women prefer to date and be around a man who is stronger, taller, bigger, richer, more educated, more aggressive, and more high-class than they are. And it’s obvious that nice guys don’t end up at the top of the ladder of success. So, nice guys are rarely a woman’s first choice.

Now in the old days, women didn’t have a lot of education and they didn’t have professional careers, instead their goal was to get married and then raise a family. That means you could be a nice guy and a beta male and you can still get married and raise a family and hopefully your wife wouldn’t cheat on you with an alpha male.

But these days, women have their own careers and they have high levels of education. So if you are nearly equal with a woman, then that’s not a very interesting relationship to her due to hypergamy. Essentially, women liberation is the enemy of nice guys everywhere.

(If you’re a woman reading this: your high levels of achievement and education can be a trap because you only want to marry a man who achieves more than you. But these few high-level men are perfectly happy to marry any attractive woman who will please him and that could be a waitress or a street sweeper. So while the higher you go, the fewer men who are going to make you happy, the higher a man goes, the more women are going to be happy with him. This unrepealable unfairness of human nature is why there are so many angry feminists.)

Dating Tip #13: Successful Women want either a boy toy or an alpha
Women who are successful in the affairs of the world end up with two different options and neither one of them is good for the nice guy. Prosperous women, like Madonna or Lady Gaga, are people who are rich and successful and they just want an alpha, but they will settle boy toy. That’s a guy who successful woman hang around with for fun. Boy Toys are exciting and sexy, but they have no real future and there’s always another one coming around. Nice guys don’t make good boy toys just like they don’t make good Alpha leaders.



4. Becoming an Alpha

Dating Tip #14: Accept Responsibility
If you are getting tired of being a nice guy, a beta male, and you want to move up to being an alpha, it is possible. In fact, it’s possible to be an alpha in one narrow slice of life, with just your girlfriend or wife. How you can you can use that to your advantage?

Really any successful father is an alpha male in that family. But before an alpha male gets his rewards, he has to earn them. There’s a lot of effort and a lot of hard work that goes into being an alpha male, not just pretending and peacocking around to impress weak willed women, but into earning real alpha male status.

And the first thing you need to work on is to be a responsible person. Accept responsibility for your life and for your actions and then extend that to those around you. So many young men today they are avoiding responsibility and they will never become Alphas, so the road to being an alpha starts with accepting responsibility. If you win: you deserve it if you lose: you deserve that too.

Dating Tip #15: Sacrifice
Something most people don’t understand is that being an alpha requires sacrifice. In the same way that a father will sacrifice and work hard for his family, so that they can have a better future, the alpha male will sacrifice for those around him so that everybody can be better.

There is a phrase at some businesses as well as in sports teams is called First in-last out. The idea is that a leader, an alpha, needs to be the first one into work, you need to work hard all day long for the group, and then you’re the last one to go home.

This is actually a very important aspect of Japanese culture with a twist. If the boss stays late until 8 in the evening, every employee has to wait for the boss to leave before they can go home because that’s how you show group loyalty. Everyone ends up working incredibly long hours for Japanese businesses.

In terms of dating, an alpha needs to work harder and be more successful than his woman.

Dating Tip #16: Group Victory
The key element on the road to becoming an alpha is to work hard for group success. In order for you to win, everybody else has to win, too. This is the key to Alpha Male success because everybody’s trust the alpha to be looking out for the interest of the whole group and if they don’t trust the alpha, the group falls apart or somebody will challenge the alpha for new leadership. So for you to be in Alpha in your dating/marriage you’ve got to accept responsibility for your mutual success, you’ve got to sacrifice for your group, and you’ve got to find ways for your group to win. If you don’t, your woman will be tempted to find someone who can.

Dating Tip #17: Just Rewards

It’s very difficult to be an alpha, but the rewards are even bigger. An alpha male expects and deserves large Rewards. You might call it Lion’s Share of the prize. This is what every beta male dreams of: getting all those great alpha rewards. But few betas are willing to put in the hard work that is required of an alpha.

Finally, an alpha makes sure that his work is rewarded. He will get his reward. If you take responsibility, sacrifice and make the relationship work, you deserve appropriate respect and affection from your woman. If you don’t get what you expect, then you must stand up for what you want. If that fails, then this person is just using you and you should separate.

(Remember you can you can only stay an alpha if you produce results, if you fail somebody will try to replace you. You might decide that being a nice guy it’s just a lot simpler and easier than taking on the risk, the danger, the pure Blood Sweat and Tears of becoming and staying in Alpha. And that’s okay there’s nothing wrong with being a beta male we need lots and lots of beta males or the alphas won’t get much done by themselves.

But don’t just being an idle dreamer of being an alpha if that’s something you really want then you need to put in the hard work required of an alpha to be an elephant and don’t make excuses Alphas don’t make excuses they just do it.)

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4 Responses

  1. Jimmy Dolo says:

    Dating now in urban communities is for all ages as long as you have the passion to it.

    I like your point that in dating the woman and man will know how to restrain themselves from cultural and legal or prohibitions and limitations.
    Dating will measure how firm and strong a woman and a man to make decisions for what is appropriate, what is wrong and unethical.

    • Peter Barban says:

      Yes, dating in urban environments has its own unique challenges. You are surrounded by so many people, and yet you feel so alone. I always want people to feel good after the date, not just during the date.

  2. Kit says:

    It is easy to become a people pleaser when we are a nice guy. But at the same time, I don’t want to be a doormat to a woman too. You did mention that women want a provider. What would you recommend? What is the sign to tell that this woman is worth it to provide for her?

    • admin says:

      Q:How to tell if a woman is worthy of your providing for her?

      A:  Don’t go to extraordinary effort to receive a little praise. If a woman shows appreciation and respect for the small things you do for her, do more. A date who doesn’t respect you is already taking advantage of you.

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